Once upon a time, this side of the Oscars but beyond the Grammys, it happened that a rainbow appeared over Csíksomlyó. But it was such a rainbow-y rainbow that the world gathered to marvel at it.
TV crews circled in all sorts of helicopters, filming it from the right, filming it from the left, some even tried to fly over it, the pilot had to knock out the cameraman, he was pestering him so much.
The gathering Szeklers also looked at the rainbow, but they only started scratching their heads when P. Boróka walked in front of the crowd of journalists holding hands with P. Rita.
Boróka says:
“Let’s make it clear that this is not a Szekler rainbow.”
“Nor is it Hungarian,” Rita shook her head. Then they both added in chorus: “This is Orbán’s fault too.”
P. Marci arrived at this cue, quickly found three chairs, a table, and a leather jacket, sat Boróka and Rita down, and as usual, dared to ask:
“Don’t you think this is God’s way of standing up for the rights of the LGBTQMZ/X community?”
“If I believed in God, that’s what I’d think. But it’s certain that the Romanian national colors are more vivid than the Hungarian ones, and that means something,” Boróka shook her head.
“I’m a progressive theologian, so I think the rainbow is a divine statement in support of the LGBTQMZ/X community,” Rita nodded.
This caused a great commotion among the international journalists, they quickly spoke into the camera, wrote, tweeted that Perintfalvi Boróka, a Bucharest freedom fighter civilian, independent human rights defender also confirmed that God had sent a message to Orbán that enough is enough with the politics of hate.
Before the articles even came out, P. Péter arrived with his team. In no time, they founded the Rainbow Private Clinic, offering the gathering Csángós, Szeklers and Hungarians two options for good money: either on foot or by car, they could go under the rainbow. Those who go on foot change gender, those who go by car, have their car made smaller.
“And those who don’t go under the rainbow, Tóni pays for them,” P. Péter thundered messianically at his press conference live streamed on Facebook.
Due to the great noise, an old monk walked down from the shrine, Boróka and Rita immediately switched to militant rights defender mode and attacked the old man:
“Are you a pedophile?” Rita asked, foaming at the mouth. “Because if you’re not, then you’re a latent homosexual!” she shouted.
Boróka asked the old man in Romanian what he thought about the cruelty against illegal migrants, and when, in the name of Europeanness, will a muezzin finally call in the Csíksomlyó Saddle…
The old monk waited until Boróka and the international journalists quieted down a bit, then said:
“I kindly ask you to open a small path. The pilgrim groups are arriving for the pilgrimage, please let the faithful go up. Please…”
“But what do you think about the rainbow?” shouted the mass of journalists.
The old man turned around and looked up at the sky:
“Beautiful,” he said. “The Lord is renewing His covenant with His good Catholics. This happens every year in our parts,” he smiled, and then walked back to the church. And the pilgrim groups headed towards the Stations of the Cross, deep in prayer.
Notes:
Cultural and geographical references:
Csíksomlyó: A village in Transylvania, Romania, known for its Franciscan monastery and an important pilgrimage site for Hungarian Catholics.
Szeklers: An ethnic Hungarian group primarily living in the Szekler Land in Transylvania.
Csángós: An ethnic Hungarian group living mainly in the Romanian region of Moldavia.
Political and social references:
Orbán: Refers to Viktor Orbán, the Prime Minister of Hungary, often criticized by liberal groups for his conservative policies.
Religious elements:
The rainbow is traditionally a symbol of God’s covenant in the Bible, but here it’s also associated with LGBTQ+ rights.
The pilgrimage and Stations of the Cross mentioned are important elements of Catholic religious practice.
Character names:
The characters (P. Boróka, P. Rita, P. Marci, P. Péter) likely represent recognizable figures in Hungarian public life, though their identities are obscured for international readers.
Linguistic notes:
The original text uses a dialect-like style in some parts, which is lost in the English translation.
“LGBTQMZ/X” is a satirical extension of the LGBTQ+ acronym.
Homeland Dictionary 